Rachael's Testimony: "I didn't know it was depression. I tried to always put on this happy face, try to make everyone happy. I was very good at wearing masks. I was very good at being a chameleon. … When that spirit left, I didn't even know that it was there. … I feel so bright, and I feel like clean before the Lord. I feel like I can love others so purely…"

Transcribed by Jeff Fenske from the IHOPU Student Awakening, 3/5/10
Rachael’s Testimony:
I’ve been dealing with depression since I was 3-years old — and torment. I didn’t know it was torment. I didn’t know it was depression. I tried to always put on this happy face, try to make everyone happy. I was very good at wearing masks. I was very good at being a chameleon.
I was just sad in my heart all the time. And this darkness just wrapped around me, and tormenting thoughts when I would go to sleep….
When He delivered me of self-hatred, I just felt so free in my heart. And then the Lord took three months of joy. He just poured out His wine on me, and He showed me how much He loved me and how beautiful I am to Him.
And it was at that 3-month mark that He went deeper into delivering me from torment. And when that spirit left, I didn’t even know that it was there. And when it was gone, I feel so bright, and I feel like clean before the Lord. I feel like I can love others so purely….”
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Related:
The Spirit of Suicide — Wes Hall: “There are some of you here who wrestle under a spirit of torment, depression and suicidal thoughts. And the Lord wants to set you free! … Some of you have been involved in sin, and the shame of that sin has led you into depression and thoughts of suicide, and that you’re never going to make it to God’s standard.”

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